Is shit a theme?

I fucking hate theme pubs.
It was tempting to leave it at just that statement, who can disagree with it? What right minded individual couldn't spew forth a 15 minute rant full of bile? And expletives on this very subject? And if ever the bolt in our heads becomes One screw looser we would have to limit the "we want pubs not bars pyromaniacs Society" to the first million customers. But I won't stop there

They have just made the Archer into a "trendy" theme pub. The theme seemingly being shit. Those who frequented the Archer will realise that the theme already Was shit and you had the added bonus of crap, over priced beer and miserable Bastard bar staff as an added bonus. At least it was somewhat real back then.

The redecoration seems to be going for an ironic kitsch look of spiral Wallpaper - This is presumably a joke for the drop jawed knuckle scraping wankers that will become the regulars, so that they don't have to rub their Collective brain cells together and come up with something amusing to talk About. If they wanted crap outdated uncomfortable furniture then the archer had It all anyway. I am suspecting inflation will occur as the contortionists Chairs are worth at least an extra quid on the price of beer. Fear not though The rich bastard owner (who has probably never been in a real pub in his life Due to spending too much time tongue diving for salty waste products in Lord Falteroys outflow pipe) in his wisdom has decided to keep the miserable bastard Bar staff.

Durham is a fine example. The City hotel - it was a fantastic boozer. Decent Beer, plenty of seating, a video jukebox (that was on an almost constant loop Of "girls on film") and the aroma of cheap perfume floating in the air like a Sunset over Middlesborough. This is where I spent many of my teen years and I would have liked it to have been around to spend most of my twenties there as Well. But no, it wasn't to be, it was replaced by an Irish pub consisting of Lots of wood, cheery sayings and a scarcity of furniture. Now what is all that About, I know that the potato famine hit them hard but surely they still have Chairs for people to sit on in Ireland. Or maybe someone thinks that the whole Of Ireland drinks so much Guinness that they must surely have piles and Therefore don't have seats in their pubs."Top of tha Mornin' tya, ave a seat" "Ah sorry I simply couldn't, my hemorrhoids are hanging 3 foot out of my arse, I'll stand with the rest of the botty bleeders at the bar." I say to these Irish pubs that a stranger isn’t a friend you haven't met yet,A stranger is any of the other poor fuckwits that have ended up paying inflated Prices so they can stand wrist to chin in a musicless shithole, so somebody From the south of England, who has never been to Ireland in his life and has Maybe once heard a rogues record can sit in fat cat towers and stuff his face With Caviar. (Ah well the jokes on him, times are hard with expensive beer but I haven't degenerated to the level where I am eating food that emanated Directly from a fishes arse.)

I can't even bring myself to mention the Duke of Wellington, along from Neville’s Cross, the very thought of it brings a tear to my eye. They changed it From a pub with excellent food decent beer and an acquired locals atmosphere to A child friendly little England theme pub. Now if children claim I am too big To play in their ball parks, they can fuck off away from my pubs.

So what do I do, do I stay away from these soul destroying dens of pompous Pleasure? No bollocks to that, I sit in the corner and behave like I do in Proper pubs, chatting, laughing, enjoying myself and looking generally untidy.That should make the place lose some style points for the "clientele" (and I Use that term with the bile it deserves) maybe they will eventually stop going To these places due to the messy pissed bloke in the corner enjoying himself. If only that could be the case maybe someone will come up with the idea of "a Half decent boozer" theme pub.